1 average cardboard box (the one used to remove household items)
2 towels (to dry up your cat)
1 bottle of hair shampoo (mine loves Garnier. True story!)
1 bucket full of MILD water – neither too warm, nor too chilled
1 yard or car porch with sufficient space for the cat to run around!
You heard me. You don’t need posh washrooms to give your cat a shower – any porch or backyard would do. My favorite spot to give my 1-year-old Birman a nice shower: the terrace! Cats are particularly resistant to the thought that water is creeping its way through their head falling onto their ears and feet. You might very well have noticed how the cute little thing crosses a small puddle of water. It’s as if water and cats are enemies!
Anyway, so you need a porch, a terrace or a yard. Make sure you don’t have any sand and/or mud over there. No flower pots, no litter boxes, no nothing of the sort which the cat would rush into and get itself all dirty again. For what’s about to come, it’s surely not a good day for the poor thing.
Here with the step-by-step procedure of giving your cat a shower without making it bite or scratch you:
Cats LOVE sneaking in boxes. A new cardboard box would make its day just about perfect (wait till what happens next, kitty!)! Let the cat like the box. Simply let it play around with a paper ball while the box is there and then throw the paper ball in the box. The cat will then find its new sweet home!
Make sure your cat isn’t afraid of the box’s dark color imprints (if any) anymore. Do NOT head to step two until and unless your kitty is fully pleased with the new gift you got him/her.
Right. Now that it is fully acquiescent to the cardboard box, pour the mild water onto the cat. It is preferable if you avoid using water sprinklers and simply use a bucket and mug for it (conventional methods rock!). Take the mug as close to the cat as possible and pour small amounts of water without letting the cat panic. Oh, and do not let the head get wet, the cat will lose its head the moment it feels something wet crawling its way on top of that round skull with that evil brain!
Splash!! Ohhkay…Now you’ve really done it! The cat is offended, so beware of the wrath of the majestic paw! Cats are alarmed the moment something creeps onto their backs, and water being their enemy, well, you just made it worse! No need to worry, it can’t scratch you as long as it is in that box. DON’T let the cat get out of the box till you are sure that you have fully watered the body and you are good to go on with some shampoo and foamy madness.
This is the more tricky part, I believe. After you’ve fully wetted your carnivorous mammal, its time you let it go wherever it wants to! Kitty hates the box now: that box no good-good, master! Let your cat jump out and figure out what’s happening. Most probably, your kitty will try to sneak under something where it is hard to reach. Do not let that happen if you don’t intend to waste all day after it.
Get the cat settled in a corner and then take some shampoo and stand behind it. Simply cuddle it, sharing its remorse as to what catastrophe has struck for the poor thing. Then, with all the evilness, take the shampooed hand and snuggle the cat’s back. Uh-uh, don’t hold it in place, it will scratch your hand and turn it as if it survived a shark attack! Let the cat go free, just move with it all along.
Apply shampoo all over your cat. Without giving it any time to lick its shampooed body, bring the cat to the bucket and pour the water in the exact appropriate manner as did before. This time, keep following the cat wherever it goes (holding it and throwing it back in the box is risky – cats have emotions. Your cat might show aggression if you do this). Pour water with one hand while rubbing the shampoo off with the other. Do NOT let yourself fall into a position where your kitty can easily bite and/or scratch you with its needle-sharp teeth and claws (and trust me, they hurt).
The best way to handle your cat: just try and stay behind it. Rub the shampoo off starting from the tail and then onto the body. Do not touch the paw; that’s like stepping onto a duke trap! Be careful with every move, if your cat is really one of those "I do scratchy and bleedy" types, you might want to leave it alone for a while now that the shampoo is off and there's nothing to worry about.
Now that the worst is over, time to show your kitty some (Master, why you no lovey lovey me?). Take a towel and completely wipe the water off, make sure the water isn’t falling off as droplets from the cat anymore. Then, use the second towel, this time taking the cat to a dry corner and keep on rubbing it till it's dried. For the face, you just don’t have to do anything, really – cats don’t stand anything on their face.
Still, if you want; you can simply use a regular toothbrush to clean its ears and use a wet piece of cloth to work on the face after the cat is dried up and good to go back in. Brush the excessive hair out: the cat would really be having some hair all over it after that toweling session. That’s why you need to make sure that you don’t leave your lovey-dovey without brushing it.
Take care of your cat and I’m pretty sure it will love to save the scratches for later. After all, cats can’t show some love without those paws now, can they?